Error: Your computer is mostly dead.

I confess. I am horrible about backing up my computer. I own an external hard drive. I'm sure I would cry and be very sad if I lost my photos and stuff I'd written. And I am well aware that my laptop is getting cantankerous in its old age. But I still put these things off, because I procrastinate like that.

And then last night... an ominous black screen with a "No operating system found" error message of doom.

Freak. Out.

No OS? Whyyyyy?! My pictures! My unfinished novel! Oh, the terror and denial and why-oh-why-don't-I-use-that-stupid-hard-drive! Soon I will be visiting the Geek Squad and begging them to save the poor compy's life... I know it!

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. I turned the power on tonight (still in hopeful denial), and everything seems fine. A little hiccup, and all back to normal. Needless to say, I am backing it up now, and it looks like the cantankerous old laptop is safe once more.

I'd like to say I've learned my lesson... but I know better than that.

Battle Wounds.

You know how whenever you do something really physically demanding or maybe injure yourself, people usually cringe and say "you're gonna feel that in the morning?" Well, I feel it now. But it's the pain of victory, my friends... the pain of victory.

Last class of lindy hop today. We learned the quick stop. It's basically a flashy finish move where the girl spins and twists around in place like this.

It's awesome. I really got into this move. After the first try, I exclaimed to my partner, "I didn't know I could get that low!"

And after quite a few more nice, twisty, low quick stops... I'm now remembering that my lower back doesn't always cooperate so well. Or maybe it's from tugging and working muscles that don't normally get that much attention, but I'm good and sore. Hey, no pain, no gain, right?

Um... sure.

Oh, and my car door closed on my knee later while I was finally cleaning all the dust and junk off the dashboard. Don't ask how it happened. Please. Because I have no idea.

But! I'm not complaining. Really. For you see, I have a sweet dance move and a clean car.

Is the pain worth it? Yes, yes it is...

I think. Ask me in the morning.

***

This also makes me realize that I'm surprised I haven't blogged more about learning how to dance. I'm always complaining to myself that I don't have enough good blog material, but a rhythmically challenged, slightly clumsy, quiet, wallflower girl learning the exuberant dances of days gone by is.. well... sort of an entertaining premise, don't you think?

At any rate, I've been dancing (well, taking classes and learning theory, anyway. only been to one actual dance still) for 3 months now. And though I feel pretty dorky and clumsy and awkward sometimes, I'm glad I finally decided to suck it up and give it a try.

I'm sure there will be more episodes of Jen's Misadventures on the Dance Floor coming soon here. For now... tomorrow is Monday, and I should be asleep. :P

Empire of Love

"I know men; and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man. Between Him and every other person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon force! Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for Him." ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

You make all things new.

Sometimes I feel like the most profoundly small, insignificant, uninteresting person on the planet.

I'm pretty sure you've felt that way too. (I'd like to believe that it's normal anyway.)

Everything matters. Every life matters. I believe that completely. But sometimes what you know to be true doesn't line up with what you're feeling. It takes something to shake, shove, or nudge you back. Sometimes it takes clouds and a song.

Driving home in the pouring rain, listening to Brooke Fraser's "Shadowfeet,"I had my reminder somehow. That it really doesn't matter how I think or feel, because God made me the way I am, and God likes me and Jesus likes me and my family and a few other people I've known seem to think I'm okay. That it really doesn't matter if I'm doing something incredibly "significant" (whatever that is) because for now, where I am is where I need to be.

When time and space are through
I'll be found in you...

Overly simple? Maybe a bit cheesy or cliche? You bet. But it's true. And it made me feel a little better, like everything will be okay in the end.

Sure, it's elementary stuff. The sort of thing I've known all along. But sometimes my fickle, insecure, very finite human heart just needs to be reminded...

***

Have you ever seen the sun cracking through a summer storm, or boldly shining in spite of the pouring rain around it? It's amazing. It's one of my favorite things about living here. (though I guess it happens other places, but I seem to think of it as a Florida thing.)

"Behind the clouds is the sun still shining." (Lit nerd points if you know who I'm quoting.)

Look for it next time it rains.

Halfway Up the Hill

So, it's been a week, but I'm 25 now. That's right, I've had a quarter century on planet Earth. How exciting. Sure it's just a number, but there's a sort of weight to it that I wasn't expecting.

In my head, I've jokingly, lovingly, and maybe just a little bit begrudgingly dubbed it "halfway up the hill." I guess I'm a little young to be thinking in hill metaphors -- hill jokes usually don't start until at least 40 -- but alas, that's the curse of being the moody, writerly type that thinks too much.

Regardless, here I am. It's strange to realize that even when nothing seems to change from year to year, even when I'm not feeling any different... things do change. Not drastically. Just little by little. And one day I wake up and recognize that I'm not who I was anymore.

Not who I was... yet still not who I will be.

If I've learned anything in this brief journey so far, it's that, quite honestly, I still have a long way to go. I still have so much to learn.

Why do I like the hill metaphor? Because the thing about hills and mountains and other (as Don Miller poetically put it) "green lumpy places" is that from wherever you're standing, it's easy to look back where you were. Look down, look out, look over... the view is breathtaking as you go higher. Look around, see where you are, see where you've been.

But you can't really see where you're going. No more than a few steps ahead at least. There's nowhere to go but up. Nothing to do but climb. Further up and further in, until you see the other side...


(Some mostly intact ramblings that were written a week ago but never saw the light of day. In retrospect, it wasn't so bad...)


On a completely different note... Coldplay's Viva La Vida hasn't left my CD player since I bought it this weekend. It's grand and epic and so ridiculously good.

Now I regret not buying tickets to the Orlando show. :(

A Haiku Ode to Writer's Block

I am trying to
Write a little every day.
Doesn't always work.

Lame. But it's true, and it counts. And everybody loves haiku, dangit.